


'You're All Idiots' - A Lecture by Ben Hargreeves

by tomkitty



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Don’t copy to another site, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Good Brother Ben Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Luther Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Siblings, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, these children are so touch starved someone help them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 17:33:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18298925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomkitty/pseuds/tomkitty
Summary: Five did it. He was able to bring them all back to when they were thirteen again. They'll have to do better this time around. Ben knows that they can. But how will they even do that? How will they know what to change? Ben knows. He's known for awhile now.So, Ben calls a family meeting.





	'You're All Idiots' - A Lecture by Ben Hargreeves

**Author's Note:**

> I originally got the idea for this fic from this tumblr post [ https://horrorandseance.tumblr.com/post/183798496944/ben-two-hours-into-his-rant-after-coming-back-to ]. It was supposed to be a light and fun fic and then it turned into this. I really don't know what happened. But here you go anyway.
> 
> No beta. Any and all mistakes are my own.

“Thank you all for showing up, please sit down.”

“Ben what’s this about? The only person who ever called annoying family meetings was Luther-”

“Hey!”

“What if we get caught?” Diego said casting a glance at the rooms entrance. Ever since Five brought them back to when they were thirteen years old, still living together under Reginald, they’ve all been having to get used to being back on strict schedules and worrying about following the rules.

“Don’t worry. There’s no surveillance cameras in here and Reginald’s already gone, I checked. He won’t be back until tomorrow.” 

“What about Pogo?” Vanya asked.

“I already asked, and he’s letting us have free study until dinner.”

“And Mom?” Allison asked.

Ben rolled his eyes. “When have we ever had to worry about Mom? Even if she finds us she’d probably suggest sustenance and make us cookies.”

Allison nodded her head. He had a point.

“Everyone good? Good. Now,” Ben removed the sheet from the easel next to him and on it was a board with the words ‘You’re all idiots’ written on it in bold black marker. 

“What! Ben! That’s not-”

“No. Shut up Luther. It’s my time to talk now,” Ben said giving Luther a stern look that none of them, save for Klaus, had ever seen on Ben’s face before. 

Luther, not one to back down when his position of leader was being tested, got up and tried to approach Ben. “I’m still Number One so-”

“No.” Ben said, leveling Luther with that same stern look. He pointed to the empty space on the couch. “Sit. Down. Now.”

Luther just looked at Ben with wide eyes, Ben who usually had his nose buried in a book. Ben who had always spoken softly and hated confrontation, now had a fire burning behind his eyes that no one seemed to want to challenge. 

Luther sat down.

Ben smiled then, feeling slightly pleased. “Good. Now onto the matter at hand. I have called this meeting together for one reason, and one reason only. You’re all idiots.”

“Five was able to bring us all back here thus averting the apocalypse which is all fine and dandy but now that we’re kids again we need to do better. Be better. Better versions of ourselves and better to each other. We need to start acting like a real family.”

He took the first board off the easel revealing another one underneath that read ‘The Problems: And How To Fix Them.’

“Being dead has opened my eyes to a lot of problems, ones I ignored in when I was alive. But after years of having to watch you all ruin your own lives and tear this family apart I’ve decided that things have to change. But how can you change if you don’t even know what the problems were in the first place?” Ben shook his head then. 

“One of the worst things about being dead was having to watch all of your take this family for granted. There were so many moments where one of you was going through something and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and be there for you, but I couldn’t. Times where I tried to call out to you, but no one, save for Klaus, could ever hear me.”

Everyone looked sad at that. Ben may be back now but remembering that he used to be dead, that he had been taken from them before, it still hurts.

“So, now we’re going to be there for each other. But first we need to make some changes, starting with,” Ben took another board off the easel, the new one reading ‘Leadership.’

“Luther. You can’t lead for shit.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!”

“No, don’t interrupt. You aren’t a leader. You can follow orders and make sure directives get followed but that’s not what a leader is supposed to do. A leader makes the tough decisions. They take into account how everyone is feeling before making big choices. They don’t just stubbornly go with what they think is best without even considering what anyone else has to say. And most of all? They don’t hurt the people that they’re supposed to be leading.” 

“But I-”

“You’ve hurt Klaus more times that I can count but in those last days alone you literally choked him and threw him across the living room when all he was trying to do was help you!” Klaus winced at that, remembering that moment and how worried Ben was.

“You threatened Five with Delores by holding her out a window when he didn’t want to listen to you!” Five glanced up at Ben then wondering how he knew about that. “Don’t give me that look Five, I know everything.”

“You started a fight with Diego during the funeral all because he was voicing how he felt about Reginald. And okay sure he antagonized you, I’ll be getting to that in a moment, but it didn’t need to escalate into a fist fight! Not to mention? You’re not good with words Luther! You never have been! How are you supposed to be a proper leader if you can’t even articulate what you want to say without offending everyone?”

Luther, who had been getting ready to argue, closed his mouth then at those words. Ben was right. He knew Ben was right. Words were just hard for him. He knew what he felt and what he wanted to say, things made sense in his mind, but when it came to wanting to voice his words he could never find the right ones. Not when it really mattered. 

“You’re selfish. Always have been. Sure you care about all of us, I’m not saying you don’t. But you have always put your own wants and feelings above everything else. You have been dismissive and rude to everyone here more times than I can count. You act without thinking and only realize that what you did was wrong when one of us got mad at you. What I’m trying to get at is that you shouldn’t be our leader anymore.”

Luther turned hurt eyes on Ben then but Ben just shook his head, remaining firm. “You’re a soldier Luther, one of the best. You take orders well and are great at executing them but that’s not what makes a leader. Reginald may have named you Number One but he did that when we were babies. How could he ever have known how we would grow up or what our personalities would be like? We have names and identities now, hell we’re all adults for fucks sake. Just because we are in our kid bodies right now doesn’t mean we have to go back to blindly trusting what Reginald tells us.”

“That being said,” Ben turned his attention away from Luther, who was looking sullen and properly chastised, and over to Allison, who looked surprised at the attention shift. “I for one think that Allison should lead us.”

“What! But she-”

“Would make a great leader.” Ben said, cutting Diego off when he started to protest. “She’s kind and cares about all of us. She listens to what we all have to say and unlike the rest of you she’s been working so hard to try to better herself and treat everyone with respect. I’ve seen it. She takes responsibility for her actions and has everyone’s best interests at heart. Not to mention? All her ideas, that Luther shot down by the way, would have worked if you all has just listened to her.”

“Ben, I,” Allison didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t a leader. How could she be? After everything that she’s done? “You can’t just decide that on your own. I’m not a leader, never have been, and it wouldn’t be fair to everyone else for me to just take on that role. Like you said, we’re a family. We should make decisions like that together and I just don’t think I’m the right person to do this.”

Ben just raised his eyebrows, glancing at everyone as if to say ‘Do you see my point?’ And they did.

“All in favor of Allison being our new leader raise your hand!” Klaus said raising his hand and smiling at Allison.

Ben, Vanya, and surprisingly Five all raised their hands immediately. Diego sighed and raised his hand as well. Ben had made a good point after all and after what Allison said? That just proved it. 

Luther raised his hand as well, the last of them all but he couldn’t deny that everyone was right. If he had talked to everyone about what to do about Vanya. If he had just listened to Allison when she said she’d be able to handle the situation back at the concert. If he had just listened to Klaus when he told him to rest instead of going to that rave. If he hadn’t accused his siblings of killing dad. He’s made so many mistakes. He really wasn’t fit to be leader. But Allison? He lifted his head up and smiled at her. Allison would be a great leader. 

“Me? Really?” Allison was shocked. They all believed in her that much?

“Of course you! Come on Allison, you’re the best choice out of all of us for this!” Klaus said, beaming at her.

“But I’ve made so many mistakes…” With them. With her career. With her own daughter.

“We all have,’ Diego said, remembering all the times his stubborn attitude got him into trouble. “But unlike the rest of us at least you own up to yours and try to fix them.” 

“I may be the oldest out of all of us and I haven’t been around much, but even I can clearly see that you’d be best to be in charge here.” Five added.

Vanya reached out and squeezed Allison’s hand. “We trust you.”

“Okay, okay yeah. If you all want me to,” Allison smiled, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the support. “I’ll do it.”

Ben smiled at everyone, feeling proud. Now this is what he wanted to see. His family encouraging each other. A step in the right direction for sure, but still not enough.

“I’m glad we’re all agreed then. Moving on though,” Ben moved on to the next board, this one reading ‘Attitude.’

“Diego. Five. You’re assholes. And judging by the looks on your faces you know this about yourselves. Good. I want you to fix it. You,” Ben said, pointing at Diego before starting in on his lecture, “Diego need to stop antagonizing your siblings. Especially Luther. You both are a couple of hot heads and you can’t be starting fights with each other every five minutes.”

“I was there at the funeral. The one where Luther ended up breaking my statue, not that I cared for it much anyway, but the point is you are both at fault for that fight. You for going at Luther, and Luther for rising to the bait and throwing the first punch. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of fighting, siblings fight and argue. Klaus and I have been at each other’s throats a lot of the time over the years, but the difference is at the end of the day we still know that we love each other. Can you two say the same?”

Diego glanced at Luther. Did Luther know? He’s his brother. Of course he loves him. Sure out of all of them Luther pisses him off the most but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. When was the last time they even told each other that they love each other. Have they ever? Diego can’t remember and it bothers him more than he thought it would.

“And you Five? I understand where you’re coming from, I do. I know you get frustrated with everyone but you can’t just insult us and then run off to do who knows what by yourself. That’s how you get hurt. I know you. I know you think you can just push through things all on your own but you shouldn’t have to.”

“Which moves me to my next point,” Another board gets revealed and this one reads ‘Dumbass Moves and Thinking.’

“I love you all. I really do. But stop. Just stop pulling these dumbass self sacrificing moves. I don’t care how tough or experienced or whatever else you think you are. If you’re injured? Tell someone. I’m looking at you Five for going around with a damn shrapnel wound as if it’s nothing. And don’t think I didn’t see you doing first aid on yourself. Mom is trained in treating wounds and there is a sterile room in this house specifically for that reason. I don’t care how old you are. You could have 50 years of experience for all I care. No more hastily self treating wounds. You could get a damn infection.”

Five frowned but made no move to argue. As much as he loathed to admit it, Ben was right. He had gotten so used to relying on himself that he didn’t even think before treating his own wounds with whatever was on hand, sterile or not. It was a stupid move and he knows it.

“Diego, we’re kids again, so no more carrying knives so visibly on your person. What was with that outfit. Seriously, I want to know. Were you trying to get arrested? Wearing your knives on a damn harness? In broad daylight? That’s not normal! I mean, nothing about this family is normal but if you’re going to carry weapons please, I beg of you, conceal them properly.”

Diego looked properly chastised. If he were being honest he never really thought about it. Sure he thought for a moment that wearing his knives like that could be a little dangerous but it was convenient okay! And he was friends with the police and they never said anything to him about it before! Actually, thinking about it, that’s probably why they never said anything, because they knew him and knew how experienced he was with his knives. With how often he was around the station they probably just grew used to it. Ben had a point. It would be smarter to conceal them.

Ben turned his attention back to Luther then, who still looked to be reeling from his earlier lecture. “Luther, hey look at me.” Ben’s gaze soften for a moment. Deep down he knew how sensitive Luther was. How innocent his mind was, thinking of things only in black and white and not seeing that people actually lived in shades of gray most of the time. “You need to do better. I know you don’t want to hear it but you are so naive.”

Luther’s brow furrowed at that. 

“No, let me finish. You lived your whole life under Reginald. Unlike everyone else you never went out, never tried to become your own person, and because of that you don’t understand how the world works. You never got a chance to figure it out. I don’t fault you for that at all, but at the same time, it’s something that you need to work on. If you don’t put in effort to learn, to try to understand other people’s experiences and where they’re coming from you can never move forward.” 

“And I know you don’t want to hear this but you can’t keep seeking Reginald’s approval. Nothing we ever do will ever be good enough. He will always, always expect more and sometimes we can’t give him that.” Ben sighed. This next part is going to be hard. He just hopes Luther doesn’t storm out after hearing what he has to say. “He sent you to the moon Luther. He left you alone for four years when he didn’t have to. He separated you from all of us and you didn’t need, didn’t deserve that. After what happened to you, you needed a support system, not isolation. We could have given you that, as a family. We could have been there for you. But Reginald sent you away before we could even have the chance. That’s not what someone who loves you does. Just think about it.”

Luther bit his lip. He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t. But what Ben said really hurt. He tried, he really did. He just wanted to be a good son. He wanted to make their dad proud. He wanted to be loved. Shouldn’t a dad love his kids? He didn’t know, didn’t even think, that by putting all his focus on dad that he was pushing his siblings away. He didn’t even consider that dad would isolate him from his siblings. But that’s what he did in the end. His dad sent him away when all he wanted was for someone to be there for him. He wanted his dad to be there for him. But he couldn’t even get that much. But here was Ben, telling him that if he had just asked, his siblings would have helped him. The same ones that he had hurt over and over. Oh god, what has he done?

Ben turned his attention again. “Allison, stop being so hard on yourself. You’re working hard to be better and I’m proud of you for that. But not everything is your fault okay. There’s a difference between taking responsibility and thinking everything is your fault. Sometimes things happen that you have no control over and that’s okay.”

Allison nodded. That would be hard. She spent her whole life using her power to get everything she wanted, she hurt and manipulated a lot of people because of it. But she’d have to try. Especially now since they were all trusting her to lead them. 

“Finally, Vanya?” Ben addressed their final sibling. Number Seven in name, but not in their hearts. “Please listen to us if we suspect anything about people who get close to you. Or at least hear us out. Not everyone will have an ulterior motive and I don’t want you to go through life being suspicious of everyone but, we almost lost you. I don’t want anything like what happened with Harold Jenkin’s to ever happen again. I can’t, I won’t see you hurt or manipulated like that. Never again.”

“Which actually brings me to my last point.” Ben revealed the final board that read ‘Treating Vanya Better.’

“Vanya is a member of this family. No matter what Reginald said before we never should have left her out.” Ben turned to face Vanya, addressing her directly. “I know he made you keep your distance, but that’s no excuse. We should have tried harder to include you. Insisted that you join in with us when we played together. We love you Vanya and we’re going to do better by you.”

“Ben’s right.” Allison said, taking Vanya’s hand in hers. “I know I haven’t been the best sister but I promise to do better. I can’t say that things will be perfect. I’m sure we’ll fight as siblings tend to do, but I’ll try.”

Luther climbed down from his spot on the couch and kneeled down in front of Vanya. Turning sad, tear filled eyes to her he spoke, “I’m sorry Vanya. Out of everyone I’ve treated you the worst but I do care about you. You know that right?”

Vanya stared down at Luther and gave him a small smile. She knew he meant what he said because she had seen it. Ever since they got back Luther had been defending her and protecting her from everyone and everything. He offered to bring her snacks or make her hot cocoa. When Mom asked them all what they wanted to eat Luther always named one of Vanya’s favorite dishes. When they had free time Luther would often play one of Vanya’s favorite songs from his stereo. 

She cupped his cheek with her free hand and wiped away one of the tears that had escaped down his cheek. “Yes I know.”

Luther leaned into Vanya’s hand taking comfort in the touch. “I love you Vanya, and I’m so sorry I never said it before.”

Vanya smiled again and pulled Luther into a hug “I love you too Luther.” 

“I promise I’ll do better by you.” Luther said as he took comfort in Vanya’s arms.

“We all will.” Allison agreed wrapping an arm around Vanya and resting her head on Vanya’s shoulder.

Diego nodded in agreement and placed a hand on Vanya’s shoulder. “I’m sorry too Vanya. I know I haven’t been the best. I’ve said some mean things to you, but I do care about you. I don’t want to see you get hurt either.”

“Diego…”

“That time when the house got attacked? I only pushed you away to keep you out of danger. You could have been killed and when I saw you were injured I panicked and did the first thing I could think of which was to hurt you into staying away. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry. I, I love you Vanya.”

“I love you too, Diego,” Vanya said, smiling softly at Diego’s admission.

Ben looked at his siblings and smiled. This was progress. 

“Group hug!” Klaus shouted as he shoved Five toward their other siblings and used his height and long arms to squish them all together. 

“Ow! Klaus!” Diego shouted as he found himself falling half off the couch and onto the floor next to Luther, who he had to grab onto in order to steady himself.

“Klaus get off me!” Five shouted but let himself be sandwiched between him and Vanya, sitting partially on Diego’s other arm.

“Come on Ben! Get in here! It’s not group hug without all of us!”

Ben rolled his eyes at Klaus’ antics but joined the group, leaning against Luther’s back and reaching his arms to hold both Diego and Allison.

“This is nice. Look at us all! One big happy family! And all it took was Ben handing us our asses on a silver platter!” Klaus said with a laugh.

“Yeah, I don’t remember Ben being this mean and honestly I’m a little scared,” Diego said.

“I’m not mean, I’m stern.” Ben said. “Also I’m right and you know it. Every single one of you needed to hear this.”

“Wait? What about Klaus?” Vanya asked.

“What about him?” Ben leaned away from the hug so he could properly look at Vanya.

“Yeah!” Diego said untangling his arm from under Five so he could point an accusing finger at Ben. “You’ve said something to everyone here but not one word to Klaus.”

“He’s right you know,” Five untangled himself from Klaus’ grip and moved so he was sitting on the top of the couch behind Vanya, resting his arms on her shoulders. “What gives?” 

“Are you kidding?!” Klaus moved to the floor next to Ben and gestured at him. “This?? This is what I’ve had to deal with for the past thirteen years! Just never ending lectures, criticisms, and Ben trying to mother hen me. It’s been so exhausting. Now? Now it’s your turn.”

“Thirteen… So you’ve been able to see Ben this whole time?” Allison asked.

“Um yeah? But come on, you guys knew that. It’s not like I ever hid it or anything. I talked about Ben all the time!” Klaus shrugged and rested his elbow on Ben, taking advantage of their height difference.

Luther lifted his head from Vanya and turned to look at Klaus. “Well, we always thought…” he trailed off, looking unsure, not wanting to say the wrong thing again.

Klaus raised an eyebrow at him expectantly.

“It’s just that, by then you were regularly doing drugs, and well, we know you used to drugs to keep the ghosts away so we thought,” Luther bit his lip, not wanting to be the one to say it. 

Allison, seeing how distressed Luther was, decided to step in. “We thought you were lying.” Klaus looked hurt so Allison rushed to continue. “Not in a bad way. We all knew how close the two of you were, so we always just assumed that was your way of coping with his loss. Pretending he was still there even if he wasn’t. But I guess your bond with him was a lot stronger than we thought huh? Even while you were high Ben was still able to break through and be there for you. I’m glad you had him.”

Klaus pressed his lips together, considering what Allison said, but then nodded. They weren’t wrong, he had started doing the harder drugs by that point, but even on those Ben had always been there. No matter what he took.

“Yeah,” Ben agreed. “I’ve been here the whole time, I had to be. I wasn’t going to leave Klaus alone.”

“Not like how we did,” Luther said. He had that hurt look in his eyes again. 

“It’s okay.” Klaus said trying to brush them off. He had been fine. He had been too high to notice most of the time and he always had Ben. It was alright.

“No, it’s really not. We ignored you and hurt you. I ignored and hurt you,” Luther pulled a shocked Klaus into a hug. “I’m so sorry.”

Vanya looked at Klaus, seeing his shock. “You felt just as alone as I did, didn’t you.” It wasn’t a question. Vanya just knew. She moved to pull both Luther and Klaus into a hug. 

Without needing any prompting, Diego, Allison, Ben, and Five all joined their siblings in hugging Klaus. 

They were all so messed up. But they were going to do better. This time around they were going to love and be there for each other they way they should have been from the beginning. Ben knows they can do it. He believes in them.

**Author's Note:**

> I worked all day on this. Please validate me. I'm kidding. If you liked it, that's great and I'm glad! If you didn't, that's okay too. This was based a lot on personal opinion of the characters after all. Thank you for reading!!


End file.
